Mum’s The Word
The unspoken emotions of motherhood &
breathing exercises to help boost your energies and calm your mind.
No one tells you. Not a soul. Not even your closest allies will offer up a whisper, or a warning, of how you may feel when you first become a mum. These mums. They all keep schtum. Until you become one. I was the last mum-to-be on the block. So concerned were my closest friends, they would call me up to suggest it could be time to start freezing my eggs. Well, eggs have ears.
Shortly after the freezer chat, we discovered there was one in the oven. All within a minute, I felt shock, surprise, disbelief, excitement, anxious, fear and amazement. My first glimpse into the kaleidoscopic emotional landscape of Motherhood arose while staring down at a little white pregnancy test stick.
Although my pregnancy was deemed a lucky one, after the morning sickness subsided, feelings wise, it was a trickier ride. Keen to be prepared for labour and safe in the knowledge I could rely on my closest friends to tell me everything about anything, I suddenly felt stonewalled. I would receive nervous half smiles along with glazed looks. My questions batted away with: ‘‘Oh, um, well, you are so well equipped with yoga and your breath training, you’ll breeze through it”. Others would mention; “Some women have euphoric, cosmic experiences from all the deep breathing, I’m sure you will be one of them”.
“It is said…that women in labour leave their bodies, travel to the stars, collect their souls of their babies and return to this world together.”
‘One of them?’ I was one of the others…All bar a nanosecond where I felt like I was tripping and found myself in what felt like the middle of the earth, I was in labour for an entire three days. I was sick a lot (no- one tells you!), then the shivers, the shakes, the sweats, all while trying to push a human being out of my body. The doctor noticed I was engaged in a plethora of breathing techniques saying;
“I see you have your own pain relief routine going on there, but you’ve been here for 2 days now and you’re going to need all your reserves for the last day/push. The anaesthetist is just across the hallway, would you like us to take some of the pain away without all the effort?”
I looked at Theodora, my trusty midwife, and she gave me a look only a wise Ghanaian woman can deliver and said: “Woman to woman, have the epidural.” I’ll save you an entire labour run down; let’s just say my first birthing experience was traumatic. I lay there in a pool of blood (not a birthing pool), strapped to a bed with wires and drips spiralling out of me, all sweat, tears and confusion, flummoxed as to why no one had given me the slightest inkling of what labour could be like.
My first feeling on becoming a mum, just before the mild astonishment of a tiny human being appearing out of me, was a unique cocktail of mild bewilderment and betrayal. Why didn’t anyone warn me?! Flashbacks of the glazed eye stare from friends, now made a little more sense. Like looking into the eyes of a war veteran who couldn’t re-live their nightmare to help you prepare for yours.
Feelings of confusion arose when I thought of the NCT lady who charged me £180.00 to show me how to bounce on a Pilates ball and exhale like a fat fish out of water.
It took a while for this new sense of bewilderment to turn into feelings of compassion for friends, as they now felt safe to openly share their own stories. I was given the rational book of excuses: ‘How could we tell you? The human race would cease to exist?!’. I managed to muster up forgiveness for the NCT lady too, regardless of my birth plan reading like a comedy scene left on the labour cutting room floor and not using one of the 23 birthing positions I learned during the 8 week course, she did connect me with a couple of amazing mums who helped me survive on the other side.
The other side. The recovery zone. Another cover up! Everyone, from mums to the media, tell you it will only take a matter of months for your body and mind to fully recover (or a day, if you are famous and on Instagram). No one told me I wouldn’t be able to walk for a fortnight without looking like a slow mo version of Whoopie Goldberg in the scene from Ghost, where she waddle-struts across the road, having handed over the cheque to the nuns.
No one mentioned I may never feel the same again. Permanently transformed. A little like a cheap Transformer, stuck half way through morphing from a motorbike, to an android wearing funny pants. No one tells you about the wearing of funny pants either!
Our inner and outer worlds changing at the same time and we are meant to breeze through this while juggling nappies, no sleep and neurosis.
With this new mum body, mind, emotional minefield and a demanding baby to manage, it’s no wonder it can often feel all too overwhelming. A friend of mine summed it up perfectly: ‘The last thing you are prepared to do after giving birth, is to look after a baby’.
From the pregnancy test to the popping out of my first child, I suddenly realised this was going to be an entirely new experience where feelings of conflicting emotions became the norm. I started to question how many emotions it was possible to feel at one time.
The Greek Philosopher, Aristotle, attempted to identify the exact number of core emotions. He found 14….FOURTEEN….Maybe there was less to feel or react to back in 540 BC? He described these as fear, confidence, anger, friendship, calm, enmity, shame, shamelessness, pity, kindness, envy, indignation, emulation, and contempt as the main human emotions. I’m not going to argue with a renowned Greek philosopher, but, as far as my research goes, he was never ever a sleep deprived mum. Had he been (he was a dad but I’m not sure he was a night feed/nappy changing kind of a guy), I think he would have identified with one or two (hundred) more feelings. Guilt didn’t even get a mention??
‘I’M ONLY HU’MUM, DON’T PUT THE BLAME ON ME’
A couple of thousand years later and we have now discovered a few more human emotions – one scientist claims there are 150, others believe there are an infinite number and with shifts in culture and rises in technology, new human emotions are surfacing all the time. I can’t imagine Aristotle ever experiencing FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) or having a bout of Cyberchondria after a morning stint on Dr Google.
In my experience, I believe there are unique emotional states only women incur as a result of becoming a mum. The minute we become pregnant, our brain and body starts to transform in preparation for this new life -changing adventure we are about to embark upon. It’s often a one-way ticket. In just a matter of hours, we morph from a human to a ‘hu’mum’. Still human, but one physically and emotionally transformed to meet the high demands of our new role of Motherhood.
These new ‘hu’mum’ emotions can often be fleeting moments of joy mixed with pride riding on an undercurrent of guilt, shame, jittery anxiety and everything in between. Modern day research is starting to see this too: “Scientists are recently beginning to definitively link the way a woman acts with what’s happening in her prefrontal cortex, midbrain, parietal lobes, and elsewhere. Grey matter becomes more concentrated. Activity increases in regions that control empathy, anxiety, and social interaction. On the most basic level, these changes, prompted by a flood of hormones during pregnancy and in the postpartum period, help bond a new mother to her baby. In other words, those maternal feelings of overwhelming love, fierce protectiveness, and constant worry begin with reactions in the brain.”
The speed at which these left-field emotions appeared and the vast array of these feelings I would face in one day, was the most challenging thing to manage. I started to wonder if it was the fast pace of life that seemed to amplify these new feelings. When my mum gave birth to me, way back in the 1970’s (mid), my mum was kept in hospital for 10 days, with a team of doctors, midwives and nurses seeing to her every need. 3 meals a day, lessons on how to feed, change, bath a baby and the best ways to encourage them to sleep. And the baby was taken off so mum could catch up her sleep and regain some energy after a 10-hour birth. This wasn’t the luxurious Portland Hospital in London. This was the 1970’s NHS hospital in Dorchester (not far from the Isle of Portland as it happens). 10 whole days of professional help and care. She may have slept on a slightly uncomfortable bed and the food may not have been home cooked, but who cares when you have that level of support in the early days.
Fast forward to 2013, I was out of hospital after a day and Nick had to leave on a freelance job that night, so I was home alone, exhausted and unable to feed myself, or my baby. The only professional company I had all week was a midwife, who asked me why I was crying so much and questioned why my baby was losing weight if I was breast feeding 32 hours a day?
My body and mind were experiencing what felt like aftershocks from the earthquake of giving birth, the jitters, the blood loss, the exhaustion, all while starting the most important job of my life; keeping myself and my baby thriving and happy.
The weeks went on, and I felt more and more spooked. I started to fear everything, from nappies to knives, and I ticked every box on Google’s ‘symptoms for postnatal depression’. Knowing I was on the ‘high alert’ list with the local perinatal team (I have a mild family history of postnatal depression) filled me with further fear, thinking I was going to have my baby taken away, or I was going to be taken off to a little room on my own and fed meds for a month.
I suppressed these thoughts and feelings and painted on a jittery smile when the perinatal psychiatrist came around, and simply said ‘Oh I’m a bit tired but really, I’m OK.’ We attach the word OK to so many feelings, but we often use it to deflect from how we are really feeling.
fyi, ‘OK’ is a term originated as an abbreviation of ‘orl korrekt’, a tongue and cheek misspelling of ‘all correct’ which was current in the US in the 1830s. ‘The oldest written references result from its use as a slogan by the Democratic party during the American Presidential election of 1840. Some thought that president Martin Van Buren had invented the term in his presidential campaign, which used the slogan “Vote for OK” in reference to both his hometown and his nickname, Old Kinderhook.”
We may be politically correct using this term to express ourselves, but (like many a politician) it often hides how we are really feeling. If we disguise and ignore our true feelings, over time, this can lead to physical manifestations in the body, sometimes leading to discomfort and disease. Therefore, it’s paramount we connect with all our feelings, accept them and express them.
Reluctant to go on prescribed medication, I turned to the only thing I had confidence in at the time – Conscious Breathing. It was my light at the start of this dark and often tricky to navigate tunnel, that took me 6 months to stumble through. The knowledge of conscious breath work through my yoga teachings and Transformational Breath® training became invaluable to me. The beauty of this work, (although I loved it so much I went on to teach), you only need to know the techniques, have a little time and practice to reap immediate benefits.
I am forever grateful that I knew how to practice these mood and energy transforming breathing exercises and I trusted it so much it was my ‘go to’ practice until this unnerving period passed. Every time a terrifying thought would come in, I would take 10 – 20 deep breaths alongside a reassuring affirmation until the feeling and thought dissipated. When my baby slept (he was quite good in the day), I made sure I would practice a little deep breathing and afterwards I would always feel calmer, more grounded and energised. I also made sure that no matter how bad I was feeling, that I would try and manage a walk around the park (he was a Spring baby), connecting with my breath and the nature around me, or anything natural, bigger than me – a tree / the sky, this helped quash the small, villainous voices in my head.
Here are a couple of breathing exercises you can try (now or later) to help bring yourself back into the present moment.
If you recognise any of the feelings mentioned above or any emotions that are overwhelming, it’s always best to talk to someone first and seek professional help.
TAKE A BREATH PAUSE This exercise can be practiced anywhere to help you connect more with the present moment and it’s best experienced out in nature. Perfect to practice when out with your baby in a pushchair or sling. Even better if they are asleep and you can take 5 minutes to sit down and really engage with the exercise. You can even try this now if your time allows.
NATURE SENSES BREATH (time needed: under 5 mins)
Take 5 full breaths while bringing your attention to each one of the senses. (1 breath = 1 x inhale 1 x exhale)
Sight: Breathing in through the nose out through the nose, connect with everything you see right now. All the colours, light, shadows, shades, textures. During the next 5 breaths acknowledge only the sense of sight.
Smell: Deepening the breath, engage in any scent you can pick up during the 5 breaths. From perhaps any creams or fragrances you have on your skin to scents further away.
Hearing: Connecting to your sense of hearing, the sound closest to you and the sound farthest away and then any sounds in between. Be in awe of how your sense of hearing can pick up on the sound of your breath at the tip of your nose and an aeroplane/train a mile away. 5 breaths here with all your focus on sounds and vibrations.
Taste: Slow the breath down and take all the awareness to inside your mouth. Run your tongue across your teeth and around your mouth and notice any flavours within the mouth. Another 5 breaths here. Slow the breath down.
Touch: Wherever you are notice if you can feel the clothes on your skin, the ground beneath your feet, the fresh air on your arms and face. Notice any feelings within the body too. Clock in with any emotions. Breathe deeply. Connect with your sense of touch and feeling for 5 full slow conscious breaths.
Benefits:
- Calms the mind,
- better focus,
- diverts negative thinking,
- increases joy within the moment.
Being a trained Transformational Breath® facilitator, it was natural for me to have full confidence in this particular technique during the emotionally turbulent first months of becoming a mum. It’s also one of the most powerful breath-works I have come across. Here’s a little taster that’s safe for you to practice on your own.
please note: It’s highly recommended you go to an experienced conscious breath worker to ensure you have a full diaphragmatic breath before embarking on building a regular Transformational Breath® practice.
You may notice you get a dry throat when you practice this for the first time as this is a mouth breath. You can also practice this through the nose but to reap all the benefits, an open mouth practice is best.
This technique has been super efficient in helping people connect with and process any emotions, and is also the best breath exercise I know to help fully establish a strong diaphragmatic breath. Begin with a 2 – 5 minute practice.
Transformational Breath® Practice Prop yourself up on the bed or on a yoga mat with cushions or pillows to support your back and neck at a semi-reclined angle so your chest is higher than your legs. Make sure you are warm and comfortable, and that your head and neck are properly supported. Have your hands face down on your lower abdomen, a few inches below the navel. Relax the jaw and open the mouth wide (this can be tricky if there is tension in the jaw so open wider than you think is wide!) and take a deep inhalation – the belly should rise on the inhalation.
N.B If you find it difficult for the belly to rise on the inhalation and it sucks inwards on the inhalation (which causes the chest to rise) then it would be wise to get some coaching from a breath worker before you go further with this exercise as it’s paramount the diaphragm is activated on the inhale and the belly rises. Allow the exhale to leave as a soft short sigh. Keep all your focus on the inhalation. Inhalation should be about three times as long as the exhalation. Exhalation should be a quiet and relaxed. Then start connecting the breath, so no pauses between breaths. Repeat between 3 – 5 minutes only and notice any physical sensations in the body. Rest for one minute as you return to a normal breathing pattern – breathing through the nose
Benefits:
- Boosts energy
- Clears negative thinking
- Helps process unwanted emotions
- Lifts mood
Transformational Breath was my go to breath work if I needed more energy and to regain a sense of ‘everything is going to be alright’. In more panicky times (and during labour), I would turn to a technique known as the Puffer Fish Breath. Along with a deep sense of calm, it made me feel a little silly which in turn would make me smile. n.b smiling lowers anxiety and releases endorphins.
Puffer Fish Breathing From Panic to Calm This is from a much – loved breathing book called ‘Perfect Breathing’ by Al Lee and Don Campbell. Make sure you have practiced deep belly breathing above before starting this breath work:
- Begin with an exhale and then slowly fill your lungs with an inhale from the bottom to the top
- Inflate your cheeks and purse your lips, as if blowing out through a straw, as you exhale through the mouth. Exhale for a count of 10 (repeating in your mind 1 – one thousand, 2 – two thousand and so on) while the cheeks are still inflated.
- Begin again with a slow deep inhale through the nose and then exhale through the mouth as in step 2.
- Repeat between 3 – 5 minutes or until you are feeling calm. This is great for anyone suffering from anxiety or mild panic attacks.
By pursing your lips and inflating your cheeks you create pressure on the vagus nerve in the back of your throat, which controls many of anxiety’s tell-tale symptoms such as sweating, racing heart, and nausea. By focusing on the count you help keep your mind off of anxious and fearful thoughts.
‘Ch…ch…changing Time may change me. But I can’t trace time’
David Bowie, dad of two
We change. We transform. We become another. During this life transition, the focus is normally placed on the physical change, to our bodies. Little is mentioned of the change going on in our heads. The minute we are pregnant, our brain starts to subtly alter to prepare ourselves for looking after a baby, as our body is flooded with a tsunami of hormones. This tweaking of our grey matter continues postpartum, and drives a change in our emotional epicentre. The increase in activity of the almond shaped set of neurons called the amygdala, which helps process memory and drives emotional reactions like fear, anxiety and aggression, also controls feelings of empathy and social interaction. In a normal brain, activity in the amygdala grows in the weeks and months after we give birth. So emotionally, we are different to how we were pre-pregnancy. Rarely, are we told how to manage this altered state.
Research exploring the correlation between breathing and brain activity has revealed that focusing on our breathing can actually help stimulate brain activity.
“One of the major findings in this study is that there is a dramatic difference in brain activity in the amygdala and hippocampus during inhalation compared with exhalation. When we breathe in, we discovered you are stimulating neurons in the amygdala and hippocampus, all across the limbic system.” said lead author Christina Zelano, assistant professor of neurology at Northwestern University Feinberg School of Medicine states (The study was published Dec. 6 in the Journal of Neuroscience)
BRAIN BOOST BREATHE (2 mins needed)
The good news is we can help stimulate the neurons in the amygdala by taking deep breaths on the inhalation. Here are a few breath exercises I used lots in the weeks after giving birth: Lie on the bed/sofa. Best to be alone, but you can do with your baby lying on your chest. Make sure your head and spine is supported with cushions or pillows.
- Close the eyes
- Choose a positive intention: “More energy” “Deeper Sleep”
- Let the body be soft
- Allow space between top jaw and bottom jaw
- Let the shoulders relax
- You can have the knees bent and heels on the bed/sofa for extra support
- Breathe in through the nose
- Simply observe the inhale
- Breathe out through the nose
- Simply witness the exhale
- Breathe in deeply for a count of 4
- Breathe out deeply for a count of 4
- Repeat for two minutes
- Observe each inhale and exhale
Benefits:
- Calms the mind
- Relaxes the central nervous system
- Helps regulate circulation and lymphatic system
Mum’s not only keep schtum about the gruelling, gruesome stuff, they also zip their lips on all the indescribable gorgeous moments too. Not just the tiny miraculous bundle of spirited joy that lands in your lap (although it may take few months to actually clearly see this), but the mind-blowing connection you feel towards every other woman, mother, child, man, father, son and daughter in the world. So much so, that you begin to wonder what you have spent your whole adult life doing up until this point?
The bad stuff is kept under wraps for good reason and maybe it’s a British trait to keep quiet about how utterly amazing being a mum is too. Life before children, the only part of Motherhood my friends would share was how exhausted they were and how they envied my news of going on yet another last minute yoga retreat/holiday/night out.
They never told me that they spent most of the day smiling at their babies, their face in a fixed position of utter awe, and how much they were secretly enjoying those nights in, taking glimpses of their children sleeping. Not a word was said of the fleeting moments of magic they were experiencing throughout their days. Feelings of transcendental happiness and joy you are almost too embarrassed to share.
Suppressed Highs The most surprising experience of my breath work journey was discovering that as humans, we suppress happy, joyful, ecstatic feelings too. The word suppression/repression always conjured up dark, heavy, depressing energy, but I realised I had a well of unexpressed love and affection within me which was a joy to find.
It’s only since becoming a mum (and a breath work junkie) that I’ve started to express feelings of love and affection with more ease.
From fear to love and everything in-between, these new feelings of Motherhood can leave us somewhat overwhelmed. We can become so absorbed with our internal experience, that our subjective experience of what is happening somewhat fades into the background, and we’re missing out on what is occurring in the present moment. It’s paramount to acknowledge our emotional state, but if we let our emotions completely overwhelm us for long, it can hamper our vital energy which we all need for the demanding role of motherhood. So how do we manage this minefield of emotions?
A fascinating study, carried out at the Universite de Louvain by Dr Pierre Philippot, whereby he was working with 4 primary emotions, showed that each emotion actually has a specific breathing pattern associated with it.
For example:
Panic – Short, fast, shallow breaths
Anger – Long forced breaths
Calmness – Slow steady breaths
Happiness – Long inhalations, long exhalations
If emotions have breath patterns, then breath rhythms can create emotions. If we are feeling panicked or angry we can practice some calm and happy breaths to help dissolve the stronger feelings. Here are some of my favourite ways to transform some of the emotions unique to Motherhood using the breath, especially when you are short on time and low on energy (aka being a mum).
FROM GUILT TO FORGIVENESS So this is one emotion that does get talked about! This can be a fleeting feeling when you are caught checking your phone instead of engaging in some form of child’s play, to full body feeling guilt when you drop them off at nursery to return to work. This normally manifests as a collision of worry and unhappiness alongside negative self chat and a crushing sensation around the throat and heart centre.
BREATHE AND LET GO: Accept the emotion first. We all feel this. Guilt is like the invisible umbilical cord that no midwife is trained to cut.
Standing up tall. Feet firmly planted on the floor. Feet hip width apart. Breathing in raise the arms up to the sky. Stretch through the hands and fingers and sip a little more air in as you reach up high. On the exhale, allow the air to leave with a SWOOSH SOUND and allow the torso to bend forward and drop the arms with gusto either side of the body, head bowed down so you are in a forward bend, arms relaxed. Breathe in through the nose as you raise the arms up over head again. Extend the inhalation as you extend the fingers to the ceiling. Have a real sense of letting go of all the guilt. as you allow the exhale to be strong, audible and with a little force. Repeat for as long as necessary (years I hear you cry!) start with 2 minutes and build up from there. You can also try ‘From Wired to Energised’ below.
FROM ANGER TO COMPASSION Suppressing anger can be the catalyst for other feelings. In fact, the NHS suggests that leaving anger unresolved can cause high blood pressure, anxiety and depression. Learning how to manage anger with a simple breath release exercise can help release pent-up emotions and tensions from the mind and body in a positive and un-harmful way.
LET GO IN 12 BREATHS
- Deep inhale through the nose. Try and take a deep full breath from the base of the lungs through the mid rib cage and to the top of the clavicles.
- Pause for a count of 2
- Exhale through the mouth with a long steady HAAAA sign, releasing tensions from the jaw
- Deep inhale, fill your belly, lungs and chest fully and freely.
- Hold for a count of 2
- Exhale really slowly through the mouth with the HAAA sound until the breath runs out.
- Inhale fully. Place your hand on your heart and breathe in with the words ‘I love’
- Hold for a count of 2
- Exhale fully with the HAAA sound until there’s no more breath ‘I let go’
- Repeat for 12 rounds.
FROM WIRED TO ENERGISED: This is like a ‘double shot espresso’ to the system, but without the jitters. It’s a super effective breath exercise that’s great for boosting your mood and helps balance the nervous system. I use this one most especially if I need a little shot of energy in the afternoon. The kids will love it too.
Contraindications: do not practice the breath-work if pregnant or you are menstruating and have PMT cramps
Sit comfortably, either in a chair or cross-legged and allow the spine to be tall, shoulders relaxed and face soft.
- This breath is in through the nose out through the nose.
- As you breathe in you, want the belly to rise like a balloon
- The exhale is really active and has a good whoosh sound to it and the belly should draw/snap back to the spine with a little speed and effort
- The rhythm is similar to a steam train gaining speed with a continuous flow to the breath.
- Start with 1 breath per second and continue for 10 breaths. Rest and then repeat.
- The effort and emphasis should always be on the exhalation and allow the inhale to arrive naturally after the exhale.
You can also bring the arms into play to really boost the energies in the system. Raise the arms up over the head. Stretch the fingers to the sky and on the exhalation bring the elbows into the ribcage with a little gusto. This will really help liven up the whole respiratory system.
- Stretch the arms up over head
- Exhale: bring the elbows to the ribs allowing the elbows to liven up the ribs
- Repeat this movement for 10 breaths. Relax and repeat for up to 5 times
- Always seek the advice of a certified breath-worker before embarking on a prolonged breath practice
FROM STRESS TO CALM:
This is a great QiGong exercise you can practice. Really bring your imagination into play here and visualise any negativity being scattered into the earth. I didn’t use to like this image until someone told me that negative thoughts were like fertiliser for the earth, the earth loves them, churns them up and transforms them into something beautiful.
1 Stand and plant your feet into the ground, a little wider than hip-width apart, with your legs and feet parallel and your toes pointing forwards. Relax your belly and bring your arms by your sides.
- On your next inhalation, breathe length into your spine and release your arms and shoulders down, with your palms turned up. Take a few steady breaths.
3.On the next natural inhalation, slowly raise your arms. Gather any negative thoughts, feelings, emotions and beliefs that are holding you back in the palms of your hands.
4.On the next exhalation, turn your palms down, lowering your arms in front of you and softly bending your knees. Consciously release these gathered feelings down and into the earth.
5.Repeat this two more times.
6.On your next inhalation, raise your arms and gather positive feelings, emotions and beliefs.
- On your next exhalation, lower your arms and let those qualities flow in to you. Feel the sensation of these qualities deep in your core.
- Repeat this three more times.
9.To close, breathe and stand quietly for a few moments.
FROM GRIEF TO LOVE Grief was the last feeling I was expecting when I was expecting my second child. Out of nowhere I would feel moments of heaviness around my heart as I took my son to the park ‘for the last time’ as just him and I. A sad intuition so strong, that things would never be the same again. When my baby became a big brother, I was knocked out by sadness, lump in my throat, tears pricking my eyes when he turned to me, 3 weeks after I gave birth to his sister and said ‘I miss you mum’.
Being open about this with other mums, revealed I was not the only one. It is said: ‘Grief is just love with no where to go” I love this and it explains exactly how I felt for a long time.
WE’RE ONLY HU’MUM EMOTIONS:
It’s important to be in touch with our emotions and identify any new feelings where we can. By doing so we can then start to manage them, which in turn will enable us to stay more present in the moment. Here are some new emotions, I’ve only ever felt, since becoming a mum. I’ve christened each one with new word’s as, for once, Google didn’t know how to find what I was feeling.
Bobblesome: a rising joy felt on helping your new born on with their first oversized hat, often with a bobble.
Bunch Drunk: A happy, light emotion, peppered with a silent squealy joy you feel when you tie bunches in your child’s hair for the first time.
Connedfusion: the confusion/mistrust you feel when you realise NONE of your closest friends or family let you in on how awful/traumatic childbirth sometimes can be.
Dresentment: feelings of resentment, felt towards the new dad as he resumes normal life. For example; Often felt when he goes off to swim, cycle, surf, out with his mates, sometimes just a couple of days after you have given birth.
Drum: a unique cocktail of emotions – happiness mixed with dread and a dash of fear, in a moment when you are drunk and suddenly remember you have to look after the children the following morning.
Freedmom: complete elation often felt in the upper chest and lightness in the head when walking out of your house for the first time ever, without your child/ren. This is often a five minute walk to the Tesco Extra or round to your local newsagent, but you feel like you are going on an exciting mini break.
Fullvoid: The moment you realise you are everything and nothing. This is when your parents meet your first child/their first grandchild for the first time. Knowing you (hopefully) meant as much to them as your new born means to you, and also realise your new born is now seemingly the most important, loved one in their lives. A mashed up feeling of love and loss.
Hamo: Heartache of missing out. I missed out on 2 weddings and a funeral within 6 months of my second being born. A sad but heartfelt combination of love and loss, tinged with guilt.
Lovedoved: a combination of peace and love often felt when your child choses a random moment to say: ‘I love you mum’. Sometimes when he’s on the loo. Straining.
Ma’chievment: The immense feeling of self satisfaction you get when achieving an epic motherly task: i.e. one handed nappy change while being squashed by a window seat on a plane. Making a travel potty out of a Pret bag, a newspaper and two random water bottles…..on a train with no loo. / Taking your child swimming for the first time.
Mangra. This is anger that only mothers can feel. Bubbling fiercely in the pit of the belly, it demands to be suppressed. Often accompanied with clenched teeth, we try and remain quiet and serene as the intense feeling rises. This emotion is sometimes experienced when you get hit/punched/scratched in the face by a heavy handed toddler before your head has lifted from the pillow. ‘Mangra’ can also be felt towards your ear-plugged partner as he snores all throughout the night and on waking says: ‘Oh she slept through then?’ as you are slumped on a mound of pillows, still feeding her, after being woken every hour.
Memoration: A celebratory feeling when you remember what was on your shopping list when you have forgotten your shopping list. Often accompanied with an imaginary air punch even if there were only 3 items on the scrap of paper you left at home.
Mumblebee. The sudden realisation you have spent the whole day/week/year talking/mumbling to a baby about your chores/stuff/life/everything. It’s normally a combined feeling of amazement and stupidity.
Mumic: Mum’s manic panic. A combination of fear, pressure and overload when you realise you late collecting your offspring from nursery or school and have ten things on your to-do-list before picking them up.
Rasponsive: a sudden urge to blow raspberries at a baby, often your own, to see if they will respond.
Rushblush: a surprising rush of blood to the cheeks, mixed with a splash of misinterpreted chemistry when you open the door to a handsome 25 year old gardener/amazon delivery man/window cleaner/ who gives off ‘I quite fancy you’ vibes. Note to self: Behind the raised eyebrows, fixed stare and cheeky grin is a thought along the lines of: ‘She looks like one of Marge Simpsons’ twin sisters. I’ve never seen anyone look so tired. Bet she was quite fit when she was younger.’
Riggles: Repressed giggles: this is like being back at school when you are in an environment when laughter is strictly prohibited but you have a strong urge to laugh out loud. Namely when your child does a comedy fall off the bed (normally naked) and comes up for air and sympathy. You have to contort your face into a sympathetic scene while biting your lip and repressing the fit of giggles.
Sintuition: you can’t see them. But you can feel them. An innate wisdom felt when your child is out of sight and in the midst of committing a mini sin. Namely breaking something, stealing something, eating chocolate behind a curtain/under a bed. This feeling is often accompanied by an eerie, knowing silence/stillness.
Woptimism: Warped optimism. When everyone said: ‘Oh second time around is SO quick, you’ll be in and out within hours’ and you believe them. I spent 48 hours (in labour following 2 failed inductions) thinking ‘she’ll be here soon’.
‘I’M ONLY HU’MUM, DON’T PUT THE BLAME ON ME’:
If this relates to you, please feel free to share any of your own hu’mum emotions and send to aimee@thebreathingroom.co.uk. I will add them to this list with a link to you.
Written, completely sleep deprived, but fully equipped with breathing exercises, by Aimee Hartley, founder of The Breathing Room